Flying Effortlessly

"FLYING EFFORTLESSLY"

I so remember 3 years ago I felt like my world that I knew since teenage years came crashing down. I can still taste it and it was the most uncomfortable place that I ever been in my entire life. I remember that I was broken, bruised, disgusted, fearful, etc. I remember thinking that I clearly know nothing and that I had dedicated 10 years to someone and for what. I realized that I didn’t even know who Tracey was. I thought to myself this is very hard, and now my wound is open for everyone to see. I could no longer cover it up, and the negative feelings I had internally were exposed. I wanted this wound to heal and I had to give it air to breathe. I was scared to be separated, alone, divorced, financially vexed and so forth. I remember that I didn’t have much support, and it "appeared" that I was the party that deserted it all. In my head I thought "How can they say I'm the problem?" "How can they say that I was the one that abandoned my former life?"  I remember feeling alone, but realizing that I needed to be strong not only for myself but for my girls. My thoughts were racing, my mind perplexed, and I told myself that at this stage in the game I am DAMAGED goods. 

Damaged Goods: a person considered to be flawed or spoiled in character, efficiency, or worth

My best friends would get furious with me when I would say that I am damaged goods. I didn't care because the description fit me internally. In this season of my life, I began to isolate myself. I went into a shell. Only family & friends that recognized my broken spirit understood to let me be and love me from a distance. Isolation can be of benefit at times, but it can be very detrimental if you stay in that place at an extreme length of time. I was in a very bitter place, and I disconnected myself from all parties that caused me pain(whether they knew it or not). I felt that if I could cut these people out of my life then it would rid me of all the pain that I endured.  

As time went on, I focused on my girls...myself....and my relationship with God. I would write in my journal to purge all of my emotions whether they were unstable or not. I worked out to relieve anger. I learned to date myself and the things that made me happy. I read my bible, and I read books to keep my mind from drifting to negative places.  I learned the meaning of my worth…I learned to love me...and I learned the beginning stages of learning to Fly. 

Fly: to move in or pass through the air with wings; to journey over or through by flying

This is a song that assisted me daily & poured out everything that was within me. I will say that with time and with God…..THIS TOO SHALL PASS!! I am now Flying.

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. "All who rage against you

will surely be ashamed and disgraced;

those who oppose you

will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies,

you will not find them.

Those who wage war against you

will be as nothing at all. For I am the Lord your God

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear;

I will help you. (Isaiah 41:10-13 NIV)

Despite what happened in your life or what is currently happening...Please ask yourself "ARE YOU FLYING EFFORTLESSLY?"